Monday, June 30, 2008

Grown-Up Job

Sometimes the hardest part for me is the staying put part. I rebel so hard against structure and schedules and routine. I don't like to do anything in the same order I did it in the day before. For example: I mess with my alarm clock every night before I go to sleep just to make sure I don't somehow fall into an accidently complacent waking-up habit. It doesn't really seem like a terrible thing to have happen—a regular wake-up schedule—but for me that starts the slow walk toward death. (Okay, maybe death is a little dramatic, but glassy-eyed stupor might describe it.) And to me, complacency seems a fate worse than death.

A little bit of contented and settled might be nice once in a while though. Sometimes I walk really close to that line and get a short whiff of security—a heady scent in itself. It draws me in with its long finger and its warm blanket making alluring promises of stability and discipline and ladder-climbing. With whispers of dental benefits and 401ks and expense accounts. And really, what is the cost? Just a little bit of freedom, a tiny bit of autonomy, a small amount of choice, and a generous chunk of your soul. And many promises of, "It will all be worth it in the end."

That is, if this isn't it.


Anonymous said...

Just take a deep breath... and as you let it slowly out, remember that now you have an excuse for your spoons to face any which way. xoxok

Anonymous said...

Come on in, the water is nice, thats it, keep kicking your feet, ignore that feeling that you are going to drown. That is why God invented the Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus!

DeLaina said...

You can DO this. Remember it's the means to an end...oh, I guess that was your point all along. You don't want an "end" LOL.

Seriously though. If you're not feeling fulfilled in a year when there are bucks in the bank, you can find something else.

Perhaps a tan manly man truckdriver will swoop in and sweep you off your feet...did you get his license plate number?